E: Hi.  

J: i like this. hi.

E: Soooooooo tell me what you were thinking.  About the room. It’s important you have one.

J: well. i know that the floor is blonde hardwood. i know i would like some type of olive or sage green for the walls. possibly, depending on what the beams look like, maybe staining a few? area rugs. maybe one large one.

E: All of that is totally fine and I am looking for pictures.  You also have a bathroom next door.

J: that i can also decorate?

E: Yeah.  So like it’s your room, a bathroom, and just past that is Brad’s moping room.  (Yes, he needs a whole room just for moping.)

J: i believe that. hm. well, i feel like Brad should have input on the bathroom, or anyone else who may use it.

E: The girls use it sometimes.  And Brad….has a bathroom in Dean’s room….but I don’t think he cares.  But he would probably tell you to make sure they match. I’m looking at some pictures to see if there’s like a certain feel to the room.  The walls kind of make these rooms in the pictures feel really bright.

J: i want that. i want the ability to have bright and probably dark curtains and blinds when i want it to be dark. i miss the sun, being in the basement so much.

E: That room is on the front of the house, so the windows are pretty big.  There’s 2 of them.

J: hm. should i go for maybe a darker green? not so much sage but….not pine. what is darker than sage but not forest green?

E: A bottle green might be kind of fucked up.  I had that in a house with Adam once. Lemme see if I can find it. Oh, no, I deleted that board because w/e.

J: my furniture is dark brown. hm. sigh. i could do purples. i like purple. like, an eggplant purple.

E: Let’s try both.  Do you want to keep your furniture?

J: i feel like it would be a cheaper idea, but a lot of work. i’m not sure.

E: ….you really shouldn’t be worried about cheaper.  L’s old room with Clyde was…...terrifying. It had an actual throne.

J: hm. i really just want. i don’t know.

E: This is kind of nice: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/436286282622594266/

This couch is fucked up: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/201676889534096341/

J: sorry. i like both of those. um. what was i gonna say. do you think that deep purple would be too much for all the walls? mayhaps an accent wall with stripes like the couch?

E: Oh, that would be way cool.  Like….the one you put the bed against, maybe.  But then, I’d do something way neutral on the main walls.  If you still want colors, you can hang a lot of paintings or something.

J: thats my concern, i do have some art that i’d like to hang. but i do think that accent wall would be fucking awesome. maybe instead of purple on the main walls, do an eggshell white or something. so the accent wall is the focus and you can see art as you look around. my blankets forever match every color in that couch too.

E: The light green in it might be nice on the rest.  

J: touche. you should do this for a living.

E: People say that a lot.  I get paranoid about having things too matchey though.  Brad likes it, but I feel like I can’t live in room like that.  

J: that’s how you can tell when a room is actually lived in or not. whether its a home or a house. Brad’s matchy adorable little ass can bite me. my sheets dont match.

E: I almost did this in my room: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/233905774366081862/

J: CHRISTMAS. year round.

E: I was afraid of that, but I just figured I’d do everything in like Asian prints and it would be fine and then Adam was like, “I hate red.” and I was like, “Oh, okay (I hate you.)”

OMG this bathroom is your bathroom: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/63613413457609128/


E: Lol okay.  This is kind of nice, too: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/317574211196063815/

J: ehhh. it’s almost like…...too much of what people think when they hear brown and sage green.

E: It’s a hotel, so that makes sense.  Tell me what movie I should watch.

J: hm. wait, aren’t you at work?

E: No, I was up all night with Clyde.  I called in. It was a whole thing with crying and sex and explaining and smoking and death threats and everything.

J: hm. well that doesn’t sound very pleasant at all.

E: It was the most pleasant thing forever.  Adam is in a little bit of trouble.

J: Adam gets in trouble? like, that happens?

E: OMFG no one gets into trouble like Adam, and not quite HOW Adam does.  He’s the biggest sneaking lying prick on earth. When he does something wrong, and you find out about it, you find out he’s been doing it for WEEKS and PLANNED to besides.  

J: i need coffee for this.

E: That’s cool with me.

J: hey Eve?

E: Yes?

This is your tub: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/504192120753584711/

We can take down the drywall and expose the ceiling beams like this: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/431008626810857534/

All of this looks like you: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/66005950762134039/

That’s all.  Go ahead.

J: i love my tub. please keep the drywall, the ceilings in this basement look like that. and that final picture shall be what the red chaise lounge is going to look like. oh shit. that’s red. hm.

E: It’s okay to have one red thing.  You can use really dark reddish purples to sort of round it into the room.  (I am so gay).

J: you so are, and i love it because that’s a smart idea.

E: You should think about this because it’s important to have your own space.  It’s easier to get there when you know it already. And then you can just venture out a little at a time.  

J: i’m really thankful that you helped me sit down and focus on this. i would have been wallowing. i mean, i still am. but this is so helpful in thinking about….whatever the hell i think about when i think about all of you. when i’m escaping, basically.

E: Yeah because the whole house will be too big at first.  

J: i believe it. even the basement is too big at this point.

E: Oh, the basement is impossible.  Sigh. But you can hide in your room and never leave it if you don’t want.  People will be outside it if you want, though.

J: i know. i’m so in love with that option. and i’m in love with the idea that i’ll be welcomed. not...being told through someones eyes that i just ruined their day. Nick might do that, but oh well.

E: No, he won’t.  No one thinks of you disrespectfully.

J: well, that’s good. i don’t think of any of you disrespectfully. quite the opposite actually.

E: If someone is a dick to you, even Nick, you should slap a bitch.  Like. Seriously.

J: like, if i’m offended, dont be afraid to stand up for how i feel?

E: Yeah.  100. Like I said, the question I wish I asked the most was, “What do you mean by that?”  Not like “Oh, that information was interesting, please go on.” Like, “What you just said was hurtful.  Please explain that to me.”

J: yeah. i understand.

E: people assume a lot of the time they’re being understood when they might not be so if something feels bad, you should always say.

J: just for the record, my head hurts.

E: Lol.  I’m sorry, that cracked me up.  I know you’re serious.

J: IM SO GLAD I FINALLY GOT SOMEONE TO LAUGH WHEN I SAID THAT. i always get ‘awwwwww’. it does hurt but, you said if something feels bad. and this feels bad. so.

E: I know.  I’m sorry it does.  

J: its alright. i’m just a whiny little shit today. i’m excited about my room. and that bathroom. Brad is gonna flip, you know that, right?

E: Possibly.  But you know he’s going to be doing most of this, right?

J: i know. part of me feels really bad and wants to help him.

E: No, no no.  He likes it. Let him do it.  I think he’d like to surprise you with what you asked for.  And he’s like...psychic and shit, so it’ll be perfect and just breathe.

J: you know what i just realized? Nick said i wouldn’t last more than a month. it’s been more than a month. snarky little shit.

E: He is a little.  I’m really bothered by something.  And I’ve been tearing my hair out about it for the better part of a year, and I just can’t...figure it out.  

J: i’m sure it’s nothing i can give you advice on, but if you need to vent, i’m more than interested.

E: Idk, maybe you can.  See...Jane...well I mean Jane kind of happened on accident, and it was by no means easy.  Brad’s never been real entangled with me and Nick and Adam’s little...triangle. He married….what we might call an outsider, for the sake of argument, but I don’t like that word, and none of the rest of us did.  So Weez is always talking about how like...Jane is basically this cool lunch table that no one can sit at but us and it’s starting to really upset me. She’s saying things like Dean thinks he’s our mascot and Clyde doesn’t feel like Adam and Brad’s brother anymore.  And...I don’t want that and I don’t know how to fix it. It doesn’t feel that way from the inside but, I guess it wouldn’t. Like we all feel really close to people, but it doesn’t look like it or something. Nick and G are always smoking together, and he and Zora are BFFs.  And Brad is married to Dean and wants to marry a million other people, and him and Clyde are a thing...Adam and G are BFFs….I don’t know.

J: i think she has felt that way because i felt an immediate connection to Adam and Brad, rather than G or Clyde. she found it interesting that i felt them first and not Clyde or Grady who are supposedly closer to her?

E: Well she’s married to both of them and that means more here.  It means you’re closer like….chemically. Mentally. And her and G are sort of...made of the same stuff.  Where she would go, I would expect him to be, also. And Clyde is like her partner in crime. Same story. Yeah, definitely.  

J: i’m just hoping my presence in the house won’t cause any kind of uproar between others.

E: I don’t think it would, but if it did, it would at least be fun to watch.  The sort of split between the cliques in the house was a thing before you came along, but no one really said it out loud.  We were ignoring it.

J: am i the reason it’s being acknowledged now?

E: Not exclusively.  We were kind of like, “Oh, yeah, that’s cool she’s into Jane,” and there was an attitude of like, “That figures,” but that’s weird for Jane because...like we feel like the second string.  L is the one who’s writing is getting read and people are interested in and we’re kind of like, “Well, we met Jim Morrison once?” So then like I said I didn’t feel esp. close to Clyde and L and Adam have always really struggled to like...be close.  And it was kind of….like we couldn’t go back after that. Now it’s a thing.


E: I like it 100.

J: i like you 100. i think it’s gonna be a thing and it was always a thing and now its another thing to add to the pile of things. great. but. i don’t think that you should feel like you’re playing second string.

E: Well, I’m mostly trying to decide how to fix some gaps between people, but Idk, maybe we should leave it alone.  People might fix each other on their own. But the other thing is like...I’m also pretty uncomfortable with being accused of like...being the cool one.  So a lot is probably me.

J: no one here is cool. fuck that. we’re all losers and whatever else you wanna call it. i know you’re associating it with being ‘the cool kids’, but i think it’s a lot to do with the gaps that you already acknowledge. my concern is that you don’t push anyone or anything too hard together. then they’ll slam into each other, right? i’d say sit back and watch for a while. take notes. have the focus that i don’t have.

E: Flaw in that plan is that’s been going on for like the last 8 months.

J: that’s quite the flaw. shows you how much i know.

E: lol I mean none of this happened overnight, is all I mean.  And we’ve been kind of observing them widen, and not saying much.  And I have done a lot of things to like….point out the things that made people close at first, and new things, and so on, and I think a lot of it gets ignored for the sake of it not being the right time, or maybe people being afraid.  But I’m at a place where maybe pointing it out is no longer helping, so sitting back might be the only thing left.

J: who knows, maybe someone else will say something if you stop. or maybe. it’ll be silence. which doesnt sound very appealing now that i think about it.

E: I think L will say something for sure.  No movement scares her a lot. GAH THIS IS ALL FUCKED OFF.  Huff. Last night, I told her, “WE JUST FUCKING TIE THE PEOPLE WHO ARE BEING ASSHOLES TO EACH OTHER TOGETHER UNTIL THEY”RE OVER IT.” and she was like, “Yeah, sure, you can try.”  But you know, the other place I’m at is like...maybe it’s okay that we aren’t crawling all over one another and all super matchy close and singsong together. Like it’s probably okay that Zora and Adam haven’t fucked since the 90s.  It doesn’t mean they won’t. It’s just...stuff we haven’t worked out yet. Maybe I’m being impatient.

J: i think, you might be on to something.


J: i’m rolling my eyes at you while i sip my coffee.

E: That’s pretty hot.  

J: you’re tellin me, i just burned my tongue. HA.

E: Lol.

J: i’m sorry, i’m done.

E: I’m into it.  No, I think I just lose sight of the bigger picture a lot.  

J: that seems entirely understandable. the bigger picture is really fucking big.

E: Last night with Clyde was really good and I think we are making some new rules.  To keep people close that we want to be close to.

J: i’m really glad to hear that, and that’s probably a smart idea. rules usually always need to be fixed or something, have an asterisk added to it.

E: If we had a million hours, life would be perfect.  But it takes a lot of time to live two lives. Go figure.

J: see, and i would think you’d save time that way.

E: Wait until you get into a fight with all 4 of your husbands in one day.

J: sigh. that just SOUNDS exhausting.

E: Or like days when me and L push each other over.  Ugh. We have these Jenga moods that are way fragile and then we just push the whole thing over for the other and it fucks EVERYTHING up, but we’ve worked really hard on that.

J: i just love you both far too much. i really do miss Brad. i’ve been SO self centered.

E: Brad is available when you want to yell at him.  You should get used to having him around you, physically.  

J: Brad is getting very upset with me.

E: Oh?  

J: he’s telling me that he’s been here when i called and i wasn’t paying attention.

E: Tell him you want him to make you a mix and you will make one back and placate the tantrum. lol.

J: he’s mad because he thinks he’s in trouble with you. but i asked him for one and he crossed his arms and huffed. i told him i’d make him one back and i got a twinkle. ‘really?’

E: Oh good.  NOW tell me something you want to know from all of us.  Just like a question or insight on a topic.

J: hm. give me a minute. i’m gonna go smoke a bowl really quick and think.

E: Okay, just text me when you think of one.  I’m going to let my comp. charge.

J: text you privately or in a group thing?

E: No, the group is fine or whatever.

J: sounds good. thank you for everything, Eve.

E: No problem.