it’s a slow crawl out to the top of the dunes over dummytown even in my Jeep. So not to be detected we gotta ride up the crest, out of the eyeshot of the tower. They got AR15s and brains little enough to stand that close to a nuclear blast so you don’t wanna fuck with those guys. It’s best to stay out of view. I don’t tell Evie about that, I don’t tell her shit and she can’t see it on my face either with all her white hair blowing around and covering her eyes. It’s not like I think showing her a mushroom cloud is gonna get me laid ok? We already fucked this is about something bigger than that.

When you know for sure that you’re gonna die, you’re not afraid. I didn’t know that. It’s the not the dying itself. Yeah ok so we’re all gonna die w/e we’ve had a lot of evolution to get right with it but human beings are stubborn as shit and it doesn’t matter how many times we see it or smell it or even get real close to it, we don’t actually believe it maybe fucking ever but when we KNOW. For sure for sure. When we know, the fear melts into something else more like waiting on your prom date with a corsage in your sweaty hand. You think about other things than the dying. And shit gets slow.

Last weekend Evie calls me up and invites me to her house. This is after she already said she wouldn’t go out with me cuz of the rumors she heard about me or her mom was the one who heard the rumors and wouldn’t let her go out with me I don’t remember but it wasn’t me that did all those donuts on the football field anyway. So it was last Saturday morning when Evie called and my dad wanted me to mow the lawn and I did but while I was doing it I got a different look at my life.

It’s summer. School just got out. I wear the same jacket every day. The same hat too. Slight variations of the same clothes and they all got fraying and discoloration where you can tell I’m wearing them out. Every door on my street is the same door just painted a different color or some got knockers and some don’t and some got doggy doors and some don’t. I get my hair cut the same way every month or so (but I like it like that) and I gotta hold my hand in the same place on the hose to block a hole that’s been there for two years cuz my dad won’t replace it cuz he’s never the one who actually has to DO the yardwork, the cheapskate.

I like my real unimportant life. I like it a lot.

Evie calls me up and says I can come over if I want to and play with her new puppy. Yeah, sure ok I like puppies. How she says it I know she wants me to play with her pussy and probably pretend that’s new too even tho I know she fucked a couple of my friends way before me. I start thinking maybe she doesn’t even have a dog.

She was barefoot when I showed up and it seemed fake. A pretty girl is in her house wearing makeup and bright red short-shorts and her feet are conspicuously naked like oh she’s just comfy at home but that’s bullshit cuz she’s got her toenails painted this perfect pink that probably matches the color of my dick look it isn’t just sex ok? It’s not just cuz she fucked me that I got all bent out of shape about her. She’d been around before and I had too but we had a connection. We were connected like by the soul and how else are you gonna show that except to fuck like rabbits? You tell me.

She had milk and cookies out on this tray by her bed but we didn’t eat or anything. As soon as I sat down and she closed her bedroom door she took my hat off, got in my lap, and starting licking the inside of my mouth. She smelled like the skin of an apple and when i put her down on the bed this big invisible plume of laundry detergent and perfume came up from her pillow I’ve never been so hard in my fuckin life. It smelled like lilac and mildew. She took my dick out and squeezed it real soft and I dug my fingers into her braid and unraveled it while she kept kissing me like it was our firs tkiss.

She lifted up her baseball shirt and told me to cum on her tits so I did. I took off her shorts and told her to show me how she fucks herself. I asked if it felt good and she looked up at me like she was totally fucking helpless to the feeling and said “uh huh” real sweet like she knew I was gonna give her everything she ever needed. She told me to spit on her clit and I did and and I knew we were fucking soulmates. When she came on my dick she made me cum and we both cried.

I was supposed to be gone by the time her dad got home. She told me some shit. She confided in me you know? her dad’s business went under a couple years before and he was in all this debt. She had a little sister who died. She wants to be a journalist, she’s got all these great ideas for how the news should be done by psychologists and historians so the public can get a more contextual view of what their world really looks like. She faked sick to her parents and I stayed in her room until I knew I was gonna get my ass handed to me if I didn’t leave. It was nighttime by the time I left and I never wanted to go.

Before I left she was falling asleep and we said we loved each other. It was getting real dark and I was staring down the Garfield phone on her nightstand as it got darker and darker. She said she liked the fireworks I set off on the last day of school (I did do that but i swear i didn’t screw up the 50 yard line with my car) and it was because of that I got this great idea. When she kissed me goodbye her mouth tasted just a little bit sour. i knew this was gonna be the last saturday of my life

I said go out with me next weekend, and I’ll show you some real fireworks.

She said ok

Driving her out to dummy town to watch the bomb blast, she’s snapping her knees shut when she can see I’m lookin at them, actin like she’s a real prude and I feel like a dirtbag but kinda hollow in my stomach like I got a right to do what I’m gonna do. At least I’m not sentencing her to a slow death by radiation and at least it’s not just cuz I’m pretty sure the spectacles gonna get me laid. so we crawl slowly up the dunes squinting the sun out of our eyes that will disappear in a white flash in less than an hour.

I fell in love with her cuz being next to her feels like my heart was born outside of my body with a mind of it’s own and pretty voice. lookin at her i can see all the ways the world made me feel that i stuck in a fire to hide from everybody. her little nose wrinkles when she laughs at me. that means there’s my heart isn’t cold or bitter or anything like that it’s just my analytical mind that is bitter and my heart is just laughing at me. do you fucking get what that means? no you don’t understand. SHE’S My HEAR T you don’t fucking get it,.

So i hold her hand and we sneak down into dummytown and i tell her all about what they used to use it for and she says that’s so sick and I say yeah. I know the whole time the bomb was gonna drop and I let her crawl back on top of me again and i said the alarm was gonna sound and don’t freak out.

“Shh,” I say across her throat. “Don’t worry about it. It’s just a drill. They do it all the time. Don’t stop.”

II ‘m doing this cuxz I cdon’t want to be look I thought about it a lot. I thought about the kids and the house and the blue collar work and her stupid tuppeware. I went to dummy town and i walked around for fucking yearsf from 2020 to 3677 and these little houses and this life could be real nice. We could do it no problem but when I’m about to cum inside her i know it’s cuz I’m gonna make her life go away instead. Just fucking erase the rest of it for good and make it my fault. It’s a nice life. Make it go away. I’m gonna bite it off. Snap it shut. Right. Now.

Maybe she has more clothes than me and none of them have holes or anything and she thinks we should get married and fuck some more humans into the world and she can have Tupperware parties and I can drink beer and work on my car or some shit but I got other plans, like I said. The idea of life with her does not dissuade my fucking need for death with her even if it is hard to swallow the guilt that she doesn’t know what’s coming for us.

But I’m gonna be there when she wakes up.
And she’s gonna

No nothing fuckin matters and nothing fuckin changes and you know that makes me Phil conners cuz I got TIME EVIE I GOT ALL THE TIME IN THE FUCKIN WORLD BABY AND I’LL MAKE IT HAPPEN FOR US YOU FUCKING WATCH The flash takes the minute hands from all the clocks and they play that stupid lullaby over the PA and ash settles in her hair

I would do this again and again and again. Try me.