L,

sun is down where you are now.  both our days ended I think of them.

if i let it be this way, today at 4 pm you burned the cabin down and burned it down and burned it down.  today at 9 am you left for the last time. today at 10:47 am i made you breakfast after bonnie was gone. tonight at midnight we will get married for the last time.  i'm drinking with adam and he is nervous about the wedding and he says eve is probably not coming. in a few hours you and i will kiss for the first time and i will feel young and newborn and slippery.  we will kiss for the first time just after you leave for the last time.

this morning before dawn i watched you submit to the death that fate chose for you.  there are lines around your eyes and you don't say my name, but you look at me and know i'm in the room with you.  i feel old for the first time as i watch the moment you are born, sometime just before noon. i was with you earlier and i was distracted because it was getting dark and i had to catch Nine as she hit the water.  in 20 minutes you will be angry with me. in 45 i will be dancing with jenna. in 1 hour and 12 minutes, i will be putting my boots on a table and you and Nine will be clucking at me like hens. in 4 minutes i will find you again in Paris.  in 2 minutes, at 9:51, i will go mad because i've lost you. At 9:54 i will meet you in central park.

my time is not a line.  my love doesn't go up or down on a scale.  the day i held you the first time in my arms, too young and squalling, i was telling you then you are a column and i am stairs and we hold each other captive.  the first time i said i loved you was the day i fell to earth.

if i let it be that way, look at it wide and not long, you were in every moment since my own birth.  we are always what we are. we are always what we're going to be. time is time is time. i love you every moment.  you are every drop of the

C

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