I’m at odds with myself.
I have come, over time, to appreciate the many projects I am often engaged in. But I find myself in a position in which I am running out of space in my head, for the second or possibly third time in my life.
Bonnie’s refusal to acknowledge her parentage as an angel with the others has obviously stymied some of my more outlandish experiments regarding differences in our states of being. I had been developing for some time an instrument which might detect what level of reality, or perhaps what plane or realm, one was more closely connected to. To which each of us had a gravitational pull. I was most anxious to begin them on NONE as I had with JANE, but the instrumentation was somewhat unsound. It indicated that we the four of us were quite closely connected to Hell, which I find to be historically unsound. Perhaps it needed a separate calibration I hadn’t considered previous.
The issues with Evelyn are growing to such a point as to be impossible to ignore any longer. My confusion in speaking with her mounts as our collisions dislodge new (or perhaps old) memories. I am plagued by a constant state of deja vu, which she refuses to acknowledge out of fear.
While I see the value in delaying unburying these concerns, of course, I’m beginning to wonder if, when it comes to my own inquiries, I am not at all a patient man.
I continue to observe Dean regularly. He shows behaviors reminiscent of his past selves that I have had the fortune of being acquainted with, and I have been comforted by this. My suspicions of him upon his arrival home were legitimate by any means, and knowing he was manipulating himself to be a more efficient version shows my instincts were correct. I find myself comforted by his discomfort. His sterility may have been a comfort to some, but certainly not to Nick or myself. Nick has accepted Dean into his arms in a way that I myself envy, but have not yet had the pluck to do so. I thought perhaps Brad would be the one to shake the boy loose, if anyone was at all, but I am frequently of the habit of keeping Bonnie’s particular talents for myself.
Evelyn’s...impressions regarding the dwelling places of angels has piqued my interest enough to begin some tentative research into the subject. Frequently, we work well together due to the fact that she is able to form vague impressions which I can then substantiate or not. I am often aroused, sexually, at our dynamic of producer and director. I am curious now if that is also an interplay which she enjoys. I’ll have to remember to ask.